Dear
Blog,
My
hands were shaking and I was shivering. I was too afraid to face the reality
that slam in my face. I did not know if anybody was saying something to me or
not. At that moment I wanted to release my agony by screaming, yelling and
crying, but my emotions was too mixed up that I desperately wished to run from
the horror that engulfed me.
The
news of my maternal grandmother's death had broken me apart. I looked around my surrounding;
some were weeping, some were giving grief expression, some were saying hushed
words. My eyes searched for my mama and she was there screaming loudly in pain.
I decided to sit alone and stared at blank without winking my eyes. The truth
was hard on me.
Memories
started to play in my mind; some were diminishing and some were vivid. Her bed
time stories, her hand made dishes, her smiling face I remembered it all.
I
ran to the bathroom to look my mirror image. For the first time I was realizing
the feeling of “something dearest lost”. I wanted to sob, but could not. I
wanted to scream, but my voice was not finding its way out. I gave a bitter
laugh to myself. I was scared, frightened because if I broke down nobody can
console me. “I’m strong” I convinced myself.
My
papa ordered me to get grandma’s stuffs from hospital. So I went to the room no
307 third floor, where my grandma was admitted before shifted to ICU. I saw her
bag lay in the corner of the room. I tiptoed towards the bag, unbuttoned its
chain and found four sets of clothes, a glass, a purse, a ring and ...a letter.
The letter was addressed to me. I started to read
Dear
Liku,
How
are you? How’s your study going on? Why did not you come here during durga
puja? So did you like the teddy bear? Sorry I keep asking you questions. Don’t
stress too much for studies and please eat some vegetables because the last
time I saw, you have lost so much weight.
Waiting
for your reply
From yours aai
Hugging
that letter I cried and cried my heart out sitting in that corner of the room.
Of course I loved that teddy bear I said myself. I didn't want anybody to find
me. I wanted to spend some time alone which I was not allowed in that
situation. I left from the hospital holding that letter.
Two
n half years have passed I still cannot believe that my maternal grandmother is
no more and I remember that day as the longest day of my life. Somehow I buried
my emotions under deep inside me and I wanted to release that, so I share it
with you (blog).
A message for my grandma, “I miss you so much
grandma”.
See you again blog....
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